VALUES CLARIFICATION
Value’s clarification is often one of the easier topics of relationship building because most people tend to agree about these things. It is the interpretation of these topics and reality where we tend to differ.
The following are some of the questions you may raise in exploring your values together. This will provide a reference that will help you design decisions that support these values.
1. Are we equals in running this household? Who’s in charge is a very common issue in primary relationships. Most couples would claim that they share as equals in making decisions that affect the duo. Some, due to cultural or family history, or religious belief, have a different idea about this. If you, the couple agree in value and theory about this, little further clarification is necessary. If you differ further discussion is recommended to achieve compatibility.
2. What do we consider to be abusive behavior? For some this includes yelling or name calling. For most this includes unwanted physical contact. For others, this includes neglect.
3. What are our vows if married, or present contract that helps define our current relationship? Marriage is, for most of us, the most important and serious contract we have ever entered. Yet when I discuss the particulars of these shared promises with couples they are incredibly unclear about the specifics. Many suffer a form of what we call “Disney-itis”. Love conquers all so we got married and expected to live happily ever after with no further problems.
Who’s in charge? What about money? Chores? Children? Are we monogamous? Where are the boundaries with opposite sex friends? It’s amazing to us how many of these things have not been talked through. If you are not married, what is the present deal?
4. Discuss your understanding and the application of the 5 Interpersonal Rights as
described on the next page.
