Measuring Interactional Progress
In order to measure whether your interactional skills are improving you'll need to use a repeatable method of gauging the quality of the interaction. Here is a method you can try:
"THREE CHIP" INTERACTIONS
Nearly every interaction has the purpose of getting something accomplished. We call these accomplishments “chips” just to make it easy to remember to strive to get them. When
you experience "A Three Chip Interaction", you can walk away knowing that you've put your best into the interaction.
THE BUSINESS CHIP
When you interact with a significant other there is usually a reason for doing so. This is what we call the “content” of the interaction, and it is often the sole focus of an
interaction. If for example you approach your partner to help you move some furniture, you each can win one chip if the furniture is successfully moved to your mutual satisfaction with ample efficiency.
THE RESPECT CHIP
At the same time that you are accomplishing this task you also have an opportunity to win a second chip, which we call the respect chip.
While you are focusing on getting the furniture moved you will learn to track “process”. We see process as the way that you treat each other while you are getting the task done.
If you treat each other with care and respect while getting the furniture moved (successfully completing the business) you each win a second chip.
THE FUN CHIP
The third “chip” is the fun chip. Quality of time together is an important shared goal of all couples.
The pursuit of happiness is a right we all share. If you can get the furniture moved efficiently, treat each other respectfully in the process, and have as good a time as possible doing it, you have completed a three chip interaction.
The fun chip involves having a caring sense of humor, learning how to smile, thinking positively, etc. Obviously some situations lend themselves more easily to having a good time than others, but you can make an effort to make the interaction as positive as you can - and walk away feeling as if you did your very best.
1 Chip Example:
“I just had a “one chip interaction (sigh). We got the furniture moved, but he is mad at me, and we did not have a good time.”
We can then analyze this interaction in terms of how more chips could have been won, and learn how to approach the next interaction more successfully.
We are all learning and doing the best that we can. See how many three-chip interactions you can have in each day.
Remember that it is good for relationship, spirit, and the quality of the day to work at integrating the "Three Chip" Interaction.
This is as true at work as it is at home.
