Trust is a Feeling, Not a Decision
If trust is broken the ‘trust-tree’ is cut and lying dead on the ground. You cannot just stick it back up again. You can plant a new seedling and begin to nurture its growth. It can get stronger over time.
Most couples can survive one breach of trust and grow a new trust-tree over time. You can start to grow your trust again, but it takes time and going forward - a clean track record.
Try to be transparent and find ways to remain honest, even when it is difficult to do so.
People are tempted to lie most often when they feel cornered. Suppose, for example, that smoking pot with a friend is for whatever reasons, very
important to you. So is preserving your partnership. Your partner threatens that the relationship is done if you smoke pot. You are with the other friend and you share some pot. Your return home and your partner asks
if you
smoked. You’re cornered! This is where remaining trustworthy can matter the most. You are tempted to say “no” to keep your partner. This would be a lie and chop the trust tree down! It’s a dilemma.
You must solve the puzzle of negotiating this conversation so that you can work through the ‘pot issue’ without being dishonest. This is actually complex and may employ all the skills this program offers. This will require some work both by yourself, and within the partnership.
Sometimes it helps to take an example like this, and work it through with your partner before it really happens, as a trust building exercise. Work on trust building is an on-going project in a long term relationship.
Remember you can’t make someone trust you. You can make sure you are trustworthy, and have faith that if you remain trustworthy, your partner’s ability to trust in
you will grow.
